Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Bio Air Freshener

So I’m sitting in my living room watching Netflix with my wife.

“Was that you?” she asks, her nose crinkled up.

“No,” I reply, offended. “Was it you?”

Then we both look at the dog. Just like my wife’s uncle Weldon, the dog hasn’t mastered the ability to contain its bodily gases.

I think I would make a fortune if I could come up with a solution. What if you could feed your dog something that would turn those noxious gases into pleasant scents? Now imagine the scene again, my wife and I watching the boob tube.

“Do you smell that?” my wife asks.

Yes, I do. “Roses...with a hint of lavender?” We both look at the dog.

She breathes in deeply through her nostrils. She smiles. “Yes, it’s divine.”

Like I said. I’d make a fortune, right? I have experimented some. I mixed one of our Glade refill packages in with the dog’s Purina Dog Chow.

While cleaning the vomit off the rug I noticed the aroma of crisp McIntosh apples, cinnamon and nutmeg combined with the pervasive odor of bile.

April fools. I didn’t really do this and you shouldn’t either. You’d probably kill the poor dog.